MC Steinberg - The Official Website

31 Dec 2011
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IT’S OFFICIAL! December 21st will forever be known as MC Steinberg Day! Also, because my mother threw out my birth certificate, it will also be my default birthday.

Why? Because the good folks at WHFR (Washington Heights Free Radio) have declared it! Join Poingly as he counts down “11(?) Days of Christmas” on his show, The End of Irony. You’ll hear appearances from me, Project Jenny/Project Jan, Corn Mo, Tim Fite and many more! I will be listening*, you should too!

Listen or download here!

MP3: MC Steinberg - SPF 69 (Live in WHFR)
MP3: MC Steinberg - Dance (Live in WHFR)

*I will not listen to this interview, as it was taken shortly after my release from a North Korean prison camp, and I am still reeling over the loss of our glorious leader. But you should.

(photo by Lisa Jane Persky)

31 Oct 2011
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MC Steinberg’s Spooktacular Halloween Top 10 List

MC Steinberg - “Frankensteinberg” (mp3)

I love Halloween, Steinbergers. Everything about it from the haunting to the safe fun. Some people may not know the history of Halloween. I do not either. I decided to count down my top ten favorite things about Halloween.

THIS IS MY LIST:

THE FRESH PRINCE & DJ JAZZY JEFF’S “A NIGHTMARE ON MY STREET”

There’s no better song to put me in the spookin’ mood! Lyrics like “I brought Angie, Jeff brought Tina, Ready Rock brought some girl I’ve never seen in my life, it was alright ‘cause we went to the theater, set to ill” are total influences on my rhymes.

In case you haven’t heard the song, here’s a breakdown: Fresh Prince (Will Pinkett-Smith) is totally set to ill about seeing A Nightmare on Elm Street (or one of it’s many sequels) at the local movieplecks. After he bangs his girl Angie, he goes home to sleep. He wakes up and his house is at an astronomically hot temperature, making things like alarm clocks melt and whatnot. As he goes downstairs, he notices that the TELEVISION IS ON…and he is home alone. Freddy Krugar attacks him and wants to make some sort of Krugar-Pinkett-Smith monster with Freddy’s brains and Will’s hot body. Will realizes that he is dreaming and tries to act all hot and gets his face cut up. He wakes up and notices rips in his sheets, and calls DJ Jazzy Jeff (Jazz) and warns him, but it’s too late. DJ Jazzy Jeff is never heard from again (except for a few underground DJ releases).

WOLFMEN

They freak me out, but in a good way. Like “whoa duuude, these positive vibes are freaking me out!” (That wasn’t supposed to be a Wolfman Jack reference, but I guess it was.)

Here’s the jive on wolfmen: A wolf bites you, you’re in bad luck, because you’ll turn into a wolf during full moons. This can be a bad thing because you crave human flesh. This can be a good thing if you play high school basketball, because of that movie Twilight. He looked like had game.

CANDY

This sums it up:

(Watch 30 seconds of the video and then return to reading my blog.)

MC STEINBERG’S “FRANKENSTEINBERG”

Now I have a deep secret, and I need to share
And to all my followers, you may get a scare
I might just pull a Diddy, give my fans a big surprise
Tell ‘em I’m not a rapper, but a monster in disguise
I got a long tail like a big old garden hose
I have a pair of hooves underneath my rubber toes
I wear special dentures to cover my fangs
Better watch out, little kiddies, I got hunger pangs

Frankensteinberg, I’m an urban legend, in my urban town
Frankensteinberg, I gobble up little kids when the sun goes down

TRICKY-TREATING

Speaking of “gobbling up” and “little kids”, tricky-treating is fun isn’t it? Sadly, my neighbors are weird about adults tricky-treating alone, and even weirder about letting their kids ring my apartment’s doorbell. Some people really know how to Grinch up this holiday, don’t they?

Still, I have a few safety tips this year for all you little Steinbergers:

Candy Apples are delicious, but can easily contain razorblades. Inspect, inspect, inspect.
Fluorescent orange isn’t just for people in prison, it can save lives while walking at night.
If someone leaves a basket full of candy outside their front door that says “take one piece of candy”, then take only one. If you cannot resist these urges, you have no hope for the future.

GOTHS

You’re normal today! CONGRATS!

I’m the eerie presence when you’re all alone
I’m those creeps and cracks you may hear in your home
Making out with your girl, I’m scratching out your car door
You feel a cold chill walking by the Dolla Store
I’m the most evil rapper in the whole damn game
And although I feast on flesh, one thing is the same
When a guy leaves the club with an arm around your date
Sorry pal – even monsters got to regulate

Frankensteinberg, I wear big chains, and I carry a gat
Frankensteinberg, I got big fangs, and I fly like a bat

COSTUMING

I love wearing costumes. It’s not uncommon for me to lounge about in the bathtub wearing a mask of some sort. Halloween is a time when it’s encouraged by the general public to do so. Still, I usually keep it low-key every October 31, with a festive sweater, and maybe a light-up pin. Diff’rent strokes for diff’rent people, I suppose.

ERNEST SCARED STUPID

I love this movie!!!!!! It’s a holiday tradition that I try to keep every year. I missed a few years after my VHS copy was destroyed during a “jumping contest” between me, Bubba & Burt. (I blame Burt.) Thanks to the DVD release though, I can watch this great piece of movie whenever I want.

Hey Vern, everybody’s favorite know-it-all, Ernest P. Worrell, scares up heaps of hilarious laughs in this frightfully funny comedy! The loveable lunkhead is in for a devil of a time when he accidentally unleashes an evil demon from its sacred tomb, causing the awakened foe to go on a devastating rampage. Ernest desperately attempts to prevent the destruction of town, but a 200-year-old curse renders Ernest Scared Stupid! And that’s when the fun and adventure begin! Loaded with uproarious hilarity, and a host of outrageously kooky characters, this big-screen treat delivers off-the-wall nuttiness that’s sure to drive you wild any time of the year!

Honorable mentions: Hocus Pocus, The Witches of Eastwick, How Stella Got Her Groove Back

SPOOKY

My number 2 pick is spooky. I love spooky about Halloween.

Now this Halloween, you better watch yourself
Like Meat Loaf said, I’m a bat outta hell
Grabbin’ the kids with their bags full of candy
Drinkin’ their blood like it’s expensive brandy
Then return to my castle and lay in my casket
Rule a kingdom of darkness, then Angela Bassett
Walks in with the Wolfman, and Dracula, and Eazy-E combined
I’m Frankensteinberg, all up in your mind

Frankensteinberg, shout-out to Bubba and Burt, my posse from Hell
Frankensteinberg, if you like to drink blood, let me hear you yell
Frankensteinberg, eat your heart out, DJ Jazzy Jeff
Frankensteinberg, October 31st — not much time left!!!

Drumroll please… my number one pick for Halloween fun is…

CORN MAZES! (aka Maize Quests!)

I love corn mazes. You might say I’m addicted. Usually, around October 1, I pack a few bagged lunches, grab my windbreaker, and set out to the local farm (about an hour or two away from my apartment), and I’ll navigate the corn maze. I like to just wander around meeting strangers and making friends. The farms have guides that ask you Halloween questions such was when the jack-or-lantern was invented and, of course, I’ll know the right answer, but go the wrong way on purpose. You meet some interesting families, and the occasional bully, when you do this. I highly recommend it.

After about seven or eight trips to the corn maze, I get down to the nitty gritty. It becomes less about wandering around socializing, and more about speed and accuracy. Once the estimated time to navigate the corn maze was three hours, and it only took me 45 minutes! Suck on that!

You may say I’m even a local celebrity for it. People want to meet Steinberg, New Jersey’s Corn Maze Master! (I don’t tell them I’m MC Steinberg, or they’d go berzerk!) News 12 New Jersey even did a special report on me, and had a lot of questions about the history of corn mazes, corn maze tips and about weirdos in the corn mazes.

I love corn mazes, but I love my Steinbergers even more! Thanks everybody for reading my Top 10 list!

MC Steinberg - “Frankensteinberg” (mp3)

7 Sep 2011
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The Brick City Sound Riot…hosted by MC Steinberg and FRIENDS (like Bobby Blayze!)

brettdavis:

BOBBY BLAYZE: THE MUSIC VIDEO

Join Bobby Blayze on Operation: Rock ‘n Roll as he prepares for his Visine™ Heavyweight Championship match against “The South African Savage” Pupu (and his manager Sweet Daddy Longlegs) at the Brick City Sound Riot, September 17th at the Kilkenny Ale House in Newark, NJ.

Like Bobby Blayze on Facebook
More info on Brick City Sound Riot
Shot by Eric Durkin

9 Aug 2011
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This September, I’m hosting a riot! A Sound Riot that is! Three days and 40+ bands will converge in Newark, New Jersey and I will be telling them what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Please come! Please! Please please please!

25 May 2011
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LIFE LESSON: Girls like when you pretend that they are your mother and you serenade them.

(Thanks to Michael Chornomaz for the pic!)

9 Feb 2011
3 notes

I just got back from an extended stay in a North Korean prison camp (not as bad as it sounds!) and I’m going to update everybody on my life tonight on the radio! Tune into WHFR tonight at 9pm (easter) to (Steinjive co-star) Poingly’s show to hear me perform some songs (live) and talk about all the cool things I learned about Kim Jong Il, our glorious leader!

23 Mar 2010
3 notes

The Feed The Steinberg Campaign

Hey Steinbergers!

It’s been a—hold on, nosebleed.

It’s been a while since I last posted. Mainly because I have been working on a project for some time now that is very important to me.

I have accepted that before you are successful, you need the really hard period where you struggle to get by. Any money I get is from medical testing, which goes immediately to my talent agent (Bubba) who works hard to get my music out to the world. While I do get by without regularly having shelter, sleep or human contact, I find it increasingly difficult to survive without food.

For a while, my meals typically consisted of free condiment packets from fast food restaurants, and snow from the side of the road. But as the snow melted, and the restaurant managers recognized me more and more, I began eating less and less.

This lack of eating has left me weak and disoriented. I can’t get by alone anymore. Now, I need your help.

Do you have a bag of chips you’re not going to finish? How about a side dish that you don’t plan on eating? Are you unsure if that milk is expired or not? Has your chewing gum lost its flavor? Do you want to get rid of your snow salt? ~~Deceased pet?~~ THESE ARE ALL THINGS I AM WILLING TO EAT!

Help me spread the word about the Feed The Steinberg campaign! Hit Twittar with the hashtag #steinyhungry and post this banner on your blog:

Please hurry. I may not have much time left.

PEACE OUT, STEINBERGERS!!!

22 Sep 2009

I Started A War, But I Just Wanted Peace

For the past few months, I have been tormented by bullies. They weren’t schoolyard bullies, but instead a rotating group of mean old construction workers I pass by everyday better known as Locals 64, 184, and 218 of the AFL-CIO. I occasionally sleep in the debris of the site they’re working on, so I’m there almost daily.

After getting me to eat medical waste for money the first time, they began giving me challenges every day, making me eat whatever they had lying around. It seemed like innocent fun, you know, a real gas! Despite the time spent in the hospital, I was having the time of my life! That is, until I asked to join them at the bar after work, and they laughed in my face.

The worst part was that I thought I was making friends. I would spend hours every day sharing laughs with them (if I was conscious or didn’t have a mouthful of drywall) but little did I know that the laughter was at my expense.

Then, I decided that I had enough, and I was not going to take their bullstink anymore. They offered me twenty-five cents to eat a piece of balsa wood, but I ignored them. Instead, I hopped into the seat that controls the wrecking ball, and just started pressing buttons, moving knobs, and maniacally screaming. It was a wonderful feeling! It was so wonderful that I blacked out halfway through and woke up in the emergency room.

I woke up feeling a little underwhelmed. Since I wasn’t able to see the full extent of my revenge, I broke out of the hospital and went back to the construction site. I was still in my hospital gown, so I looked extra crazy! I created what I though was a bottle rocket, but it was just a soda that I shook really hard and shoved a flaming rag into. I threw it at one of the guys and they all started chasing after me! I jumped into a Wetzel’s Pretzels and lost them.

It was then that I realized that war is never the answer to a problem, it just creates a bigger one. I have since realized the error of my ways, and I plan on making it up to them by sneaking onto the construction site after hours, and rebuilding everything that I destroyed, alone. Hopefully then, we will be able to make peace, and maybe I’ll even find the friendship I was looking for.

“Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will live as one.”
- Jack Lemmon

Photo by Lisa Jane Persky

31 Jul 2009

That’s What I Call A Summer Bummer

Every month, I take a day and navigate a sewer system. I strap on a helmet, grab a flashlight, tape a laser pointer to my wrist, slip into some Scooba gear, pack some lunch(ables), fill some plastic bags up with air (for oxygen), and head underground.

You’d be surprised what you find in the sewers! One time I found some parts to a disassembled bicycle, and another time I found a bunch of loose silverware!

I’m the first to get these treasures (citing Finders v. Keepers, 1959), because people are “afraid” to go into the dark tunnels under the streets. They think that the rodents, dirty water, and corpses dumped by the mafia are harmful to your health. Not true! In fact, Bubba (a certified student nurse) told me that American sewers might actually be cleaner than most public bathrooms!

However, I did not realize how dangerous these sewer expeditions truly were until my trip into the sewers yesterday. I entered the sewer opening on 7th Ave. and 29th St. in Manhattan (aka “uncharted territory”), with my friend/rival Burt by my side.

It started off bad when Burt got tangled in a rat king. He got out easily, but it put him in a sour mood for sure. After that, Burt got even more ticked when he scraped his arm on a rusty pipe. About an hour into the expedition, I tripped on a loose brick, and fell face-first into a puddle of water. Before I knew it, Burt was leaning on my head, trying to drown me! I struggled to escape, but I was unsuccessful. I pretended to die (a trick I learned in my adolescence) and Burt soon started walking away from me. I hopped up to my feet, grabbed a brick, and bashed Burt in his ugly, stupid face.

That mingus Burt is currently in critical condition, and I can’t help but feel partially responsible for this, and now I’ve got an unshakeable case of the summer bummers.

20 Jul 2009

Welcome To My House

This is where I have been living lately. I was evicted from my apartment (as seen in the hit docudrama, Steinjive) and I needed a place to stay! It just so happened that somebody left their car there (their tires were slashed by “somebody”), and I guess they didn’t have the time or money to move it out of the lot. What a coincidence.

So if you’re ever in the area, just hop the fence and say hello, and bring warm food, and maybe even a dog or cat that I could play with for a while.