For the past few months, I have been tormented by bullies. They weren’t schoolyard bullies, but instead a rotating group of mean old construction workers I pass by everyday better known as Locals 64, 184, and 218 of the AFL-CIO.  I occasionally sleep in the debris of the site they’re working on, so I’m there almost daily.

After getting me to eat medical waste for money the first time, they began giving me challenges every day, making me eat whatever they had lying around. It seemed like innocent fun, you know, a real gas! Despite the time spent in the hospital, I was having the time of my life! That is, until I asked to join them at the bar after work, and they laughed in my face. 

The worst part was that I thought I was making friends. I would spend hours every day sharing laughs with them (if I was conscious or didn’t have a mouthful of drywall) but little did I know that the laughter was at my expense.

Then, I decided that I had enough, and I was not going to take their bullstink anymore. They offered me twenty-five cents to eat a piece of balsa wood, but I ignored them. Instead, I hopped into the seat that controls the wrecking ball, and just started pressing buttons, moving knobs, and maniacally screaming. It was a wonderful feeling! It was so wonderful that I blacked out halfway through and woke up in the emergency room.

I woke up feeling a little underwhelmed. Since I wasn’t able to see the full extent of my revenge, I broke out of the hospital and went back to the construction site. I was still in my hospital gown, so I looked extra crazy! I created what I though was a bottle rocket, but it was just a soda that I shook really hard and shoved a flaming rag into. I threw it at one of the guys and they all started chasing after me! I jumped into a Wetzel’s Pretzels and lost them.

It was then that I realized that war is never the answer to a problem, it just creates a bigger one. I have since realized the error of my ways, and I plan on making it up to them by sneaking onto the construction site after hours, and rebuilding everything that I destroyed, alone. Hopefully then, we will be able to make peace, and maybe I’ll even find the friendship I was looking for.

“Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will live as one.”
- Jack Lemmon

Photo by Lisa Jane Persky