Welp, looks like 2009 won’t be a Steinyear after all. I got kidnapped, again. This time it was for the stupidest reason. I’m not sure if I mentioned the first time I was kidnapped on the Steinblog, but I guess I had it coming. There was this gang in my town, and they had killed two people in one week. So, I figured that if I found their “hangout” (an abandoned factory is hardly my idea of a hangout), I could convince them to stop the killin’, just like the Stop The Violence Movement did in that song “Self-Destruction” back in the ’80s.

Turns out, hip-hop < violence. Instead of “wastin’ my ass” like one of the underlings mentioned, they decided to keep me as their “monkey bitch” for about a week. My poor Mom was so drunk that week, she hardly knew I was gone. Luckily, I escaped by running really fast, and that was the end of it.

I kind of understand where that gang was coming from. They were embarassed that I was a much better rapper than them, and wanted to keep me out of the streets, in fears that I would made them look bad by comparison.

This time, however, was a different story. Apparently these Chinese mafia guys thought I was somebody else and put a hood over my head, pulled me into some sort of vehicle, and tortured me with some sort of cattle prod for three days. Duh, wrong guy, idiots!

Well, after a whole lot of wasted time, they shoved me out of their van and drove off. I didn’t even bother calling the police, because it would mean a whole lot of paperwork for some poor rookie.

I don’t want to put somebody through that. Well, sorry for venting, but I feel much better now. I guess all of the electrocution has given me “the shakes” so I’m going to go see if Bubba can help me out. Bye!